MY SISTER, THE FLOWER GIRL AT MY WEDDING, IS A SAILOR GOING OFF TO WAR
By Jeanine Birong
She was a girlie-girl, dressed in the frilliest, laciest, purple-poofiest dress of anybody at my wedding, and I suspect every woman secretly envied her. But of course, three-year-old flower girls can pull off that kind of wild fashion, whereas grown-up bridesmaids cannot.
She was a quirky kid. Growing up, her favorite show was I Love Lucy. Seriously, what kind of child has I Love Lucy for a favorite TV show? It was already in reruns when I was a kid!
But Anna is grown up now. She is a sailor in the United States Navy. And today—and I mean this very day: Dec. 1, 2011—I am driving her to the Naval Base in San Diego, where she will deploy to the Middle East sometime before Dec. 5.
We do not know the exact day and time of Anna’s departure, her specific destination, or what mission she may be assigned. All we know is that she will be gone for nine months, inaccessible to us in nearly every way—except for occasional short e-mails, like “Send me Top Ramen!”—that real life has taught us to expect throughout nearly all of her 21 years.
In fact, the only thing we have to compare to this lack of contact was the last one. This is Anna’s second deployment to the Middle East.
The first time, she left with light-hearted anticipation, with real excitement for the adventures ahead. And she definitely had adventures: Anna battled pirates off the coast of Africa, toured Thailand and other parts of Asia, and sadly saw firsthand how badly women are treated in the Middle East. She found the experience so awful she stopped going ashore, preferring the camaraderie and security of the ship—a destroyer—to which she is assigned.
This time, Anna has a much better idea of what she will encounter when she leaves. I can see she is worried. Nine months is a very long time for a 21-year-old girl whose most-recent Facebook post was a celebration of the Victoria’s Secret fashion show.
Nine months is a long time to spend in a bunk with all your belongings in a foot locker. Nine months is a long time to be away from the family and friends you know are celebrating holidays, getting married, having babies. Nine months is a long time to be wondering what dangers may await in the ocean ahead—because after all, we are a country at war. Nine months is a long time to be at war.
I do not know what I will say to Anna on the drive down to San Diego. As I consider the circumstances, they seem like something from a movie. I will be the last one of our family and friends to see her for at least nine months. I do not want to cry—I want to give her a gift … but where she is headed, Anna has neither room nor need for any thing I could give her.
For a girlie-girl, Anna turned out to be really tough. Among other survival skills, the Navy has taught her to curse like a sailor. She says the most shockingly entertaining off-color things now. The look on Mom’s face is always priceless, and I will be forever indebted to Uncle Sam for that. Anna can not only shoot a gun, but take it apart and put it back together. Anna can also kick pirates’ asses—she knows RPG’s when she sees them. How many of us can say that? (They are rocket-propelled grenades.)
When it comes to this war in the Middle East, how many of us can say anything? For so many civilians, it is an abstraction, a concept, an election issue, a polling question. For the families of those in the armed services, however, it is real and true and sad. There is real danger and true sacrifice, and it is sad how little appreciation there is for that.
This holiday season, please remember the people who serve our country. They are our sisters, brothers, daughters, sons, fathers, mothers. We want them to come home.
7 Comments
Great story and great pictures!
What action is in store for a rank sailor in the middle-east? All the navy sailors I know are nursing mimosa’s in Italy. Fighting pirates? We’re not talking Captain Jack here. We’re talking about peasant somali’s in barely seaworthy fishing boats. Hardly a challenge against a new US destroyer. In the navy, the chances of a common sailor firing a gun, or even cussing at the enemy is slim and none.
While she was smart to join the Navy for her own safety, tell her to join the Marines, then write back.
This is a beautiful story Jeanine. Thanks for writing it!
Wow, Jim, that was a pretty crappy comment. I think we should respect and honor the service of all our military personnel, whatever their jobs and in whatver branch they choose to serve. It is the willingness to so serve honorably that matters most…not quibbling about who is in the most danger while doing so.
Why not save the inter-service rivalry for your buds at the bar?
First, of course, thanks for sharing the reality that literally millions of American families have experienced these last ten years, namely sending a loved one to war. Essays, at their core, should be drawn from personal reflection, as this is an exemplary essay grappling with angst about a beloved one going to fight. (For me, in 1990, during Desert Storm, it was my cousin, Jeff, who was dispatched in a carrier group. The upside for him was the liberty calls to the Lebanese and Turkish coasts.)
I must disagree with the commenter who dismissed your sister’s status as that of “rank sailor.” The dead and injured naval personnel of the USS Cole might be worthy of remembrance, as reminders that any American service member in any theatre of the Central Command wears the same red-white-&-blue target on their skin.
I wish your sister well in her deployment and offer to your family what all Americans should extend to the millions of families with loved ones serving or having served, namely our understanding that they are really alone in being called upon by our nation to bear the only true sacrifices of these wars. We ask nothing of the citizens by way of a war surcharge or other sacrifices that traditionally have spread the pain of war. Only those who serve, and their loved ones, bear the cost of these wars.
Nice story.
I hope your sister returns sound and healthy, with nothing but great stories to tell.
Beautiful Jeanine – Such a tender and loving story Yes Keep all our Service Personnel in your prayers -especially during the holiday – but all year too.