THE FIRST THING WE DO, LET’S KILL ALL THE LAWNS—AS IF THAT’S SO EASY

This is the second installment of a diary by Greater Long Beach photographer Jeanine Birong, who with her husband, Mark, and children, Anthony and Sarah, is replacing their traditional grass lawn with drought-tolerant plants as part of the water-saving Lawn to Garden Project, sponsored by the Long Beach Water Department. This week: Killing the Lawn.

After having our Lawn-to-Garden plan approved, we are now under deadline to complete the project—that is, tear out the grass and replace it with so-called California Friendly plants—within 120 days in order to earn the rebate from the Long Beach Water Department.

Obviously, the first step is to get rid of the old to make way for the new. We set out to kill the lawn.

Having spent my childhood in the Midwest, surrounded by verdant lawns and pastures, I was a little shocked when I arrived in Southern California to discover the region’s arid brownness. And the palm trees—until I landed in Orange County as a teenager I had never seen one.

But to my surprise behind the boring sameness of the walled streets of Mission Viejo, the interiors of the neighborhoods were just as green and lush as the perfect suburbia I came from.

I remember my dad and brothers spending hours creating the perfect lawn. It was a serious point of pride for my ultra-conservative, right-wing father, who grew up in the era when a man’s pride was caught up in the prettiness of his lawn. Around Chicago, this was easy to achieve. Daily summer thunder showers provided plenty of free irrigation and the young male population (i.e. my brothers) supplied plenty of free labor.

This is not the case in Southern California, where creating the perfect golf-course-like lawn requires sucking up water resources that are in short supply in what is essentially the desert.

Lawns aren’t just a drag to maintain because of their water requirements. They also require heavy fertilization and weed control to be their “healthiest.” These chemicals are an environmental disaster when they run off into the storm drains and enter our oceans and fresh water table.

But more importantly, why would you want someone you love to be repeatedly exposed to toxic chemicals that may very well lead to cancers and other unwanted reactions when applied to your lawn? Do you really want your kids and their puppy rolling around in those toxic chemicals? Next thing you know, those chemicals are being tracked through your house and spread onto your furniture.  

Forgive me; I digress.

My point is, killing a lawn ain’t easy—even a hideous one, and when my husband and I bought our house seven years ago, the lawn we inherited from the previous owner was well past its prime.

We had tried to kill it once before by not watering it. We had planned to hire a contractor to rip off the top and install a new one, and even created a little nest egg to pay for the project. But when my husband’s employer of nine years suddenly went out of business without warning three years ago, we decided to use our new-lawn money for living expenses, pulling the plug on the renovation.

Instead, we tried to save the lawn—indulging it with water, grass seed and fertilizer—but we never succeeded in reviving it completely. Some parts turned green again…the crab grass parts, the most-tenacious, disgusting grass of all.

When we were finally, fortunately, accepted into the Lawn to Garden program we decided once and for all. The lawn was gone … well, except for actually removing it.

After researching our options for removal, we decided to rent a sod cutter ($60 for 4 hours from Home Depot, Lakewood) and a 40-foot mixed-use dumpster ($450 for 7 days from Bob’s Dumpster Rentals). And we worked. Hard.

Well, we wanted to. We were very excited to begin. But then it started raining. It rained the next two weekends. We started to fret we were losing precious time as the days ticked off against our deadline.

The next weekend promised to be perfect, but we were obligated to travel with our son’s baseball team for a weekend tournament. There was more baseball the next weekend … and more rain.

And then, finally and suddenly, the sun broke through, and there was no baseball, and we cut the first strip off of the lawn. It was magnificent! It was easy! Cutting off the lawn with the sod cutter took four short hours.

But pulling up the sod and getting it into the dumpster took an entire week. Rain, work, school, and sports schedules made us scrounge up a couple of stolen hours for our project every day. Fittingly, the dumpster full of the hideous dead lawn finally pulled away from the curb on Dia de Los Muertos.

Afterward, my husband’s back hurt for three days—though my son and brother-in-law seem to have handled the exertions just fine. I supervised (what I do best), orchestrated the dumpster  and made them dinner ($15). I think they did an awesome job. I love the men in my life— but again, I digress.

Even after removing the sod we had to be sure the lawn was really dead and would not mount a comeback. The best chemical-free way to do that is to cover the just-denuded soil with black plastic ($100 for 1200 sq.ft.) for three-to-five weeks. But those three-to-five weeks add up to 21-to-35 days—another serious threat to our 120-day deadline!

When the black plastic comes off at the end of November, we will only have 60 days left to install our new landscape! During those 60 days, the holiday season will be upon us, a new year will begin and  the “real” baseball season will start. We have no idea how we are going to pull this off!

Expenses to date: $700.

Next time: a close look at the variety and beauty of approved drought tolerant plants and the “nursery.”